oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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