Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
