I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Randomize
