I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
