Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
