He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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