he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
