I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
