You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
