Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
