It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Come share oat with me in your robe
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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