Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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