The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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