So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
