Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
