Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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