ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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