I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
