does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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