we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I pour the whiskey from now on
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
