if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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