Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize