rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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