i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
