Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
