Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
