How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize