i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
