the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
