Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
