my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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