I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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