You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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