Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
