You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize