Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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