hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My feet surprised me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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