Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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