Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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