And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
