I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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