How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
