The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
