I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The best revenge is premature balding
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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