i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize