He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
