That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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