in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
