i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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