Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
