if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
