forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
