i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
