the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
