Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
