Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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