I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i've created a new STD.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
im on a boat
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