And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
