I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
